Kwinana v Maddington “Lads, where the fuck is the place?” “I’m at a dead end!” “There’s no Serbians here?” Mass confusion rained down on the lads as they struggled to find the ground for today’s blockbuster game against Maddington White City (no Jags here…). Eventually, everyone, including myself, managed to get to the Nicola Tesla Reserve although I’m an Edison fan myself. There were a few changes to the reserves team, most notably being Captain Neil Evans who spent most of the first half counting sheep.


Apologies for the delay in posting this report, but due to the sensitive nature of events and punishments already dished out to people who commented through social media, I wanted to wait till emotions had faded and I could look back at the match through the eyes of an unbiased observer. With that in mind the first thing I want to say is that Jaguar are a bunch of scumbags. Maybe next time I should wait longer… 2-2


Kwinana United v ALFC Amateur Cup Round 1 The first round of the cup is upon us, with the lads being drawn against the lower division side ALFC. In typical shit amateur club fashion, ALFC forfeited their reserves match, meaning the reserves would take on the socials in a scratch match and go straight through into round 2. Initially, Local Land Owner Jimmy Findlay announced that both teams would wear their home kits but not to fear they won’t clash as reserves would wear white stripes on red shirts and socials would wear red stripes on white shirts.


Perched atop the mighty Chalk Hill, the spy was preparing to make his first venture out of Kwinana in many years. With the ever trustworthy guidance of the Football West fixtures, the spy made his way out to Rosalie Park for Kwinana’s second round game against Subiaco AFC. As 1pm arrived, the spy made his way through the myriad of pitches at the ground just in time for kick off of the reserves, or so he thought… the game was already 15 minutes in and the lads were down 3-0 already, it’s almost as though the lads had forgotten to warm up!


Welcome to Kwinana United’s first game back in Division 1, with new coaches, new box nets and freshly painted goalposts, expectations were high for a great day of football. The pitch was in great condition and the lines so straight you’d have thought Chunk had cut them on a mirror; the hours of hard work in pre-season were about to pay off for all 3 teams. The day got off to a hectic start in the Social game, with 11 goals scored (and surprisingly not all by the other team!) including a self-declared “screamer” from Fat Man Scoop himself, Elliott Egan.

Kwinana United Sealed its first win of the season.

LATE STRIKE SEALS VICTORY FOR KWINANA. Kwinana United Sealed its first win of the season at home to Queens Park after a spirited 2-1 victory. The game couldn’t have started much worse with a penalty conceded very early on in the match, with Queens Park slotting the ball past Kwinana keeper Chad Freund. Against the run of play, Queens Park had the advantage with Kwinana now having all the work to do to get back into the match.

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